Peripheral (nineveh_rains) wrote,

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I'm not sure

I don't know what I'm feeling. I know we don't have "relationship love" but I do know that I can't help but feel a little hurt when you ask me to do something so that you can be with your "man". And I don't mean just the current one. It hurts me that he asks you/us to give up part of the closeness we have so that he can be comfortable. I know not to take it personally, but I can't. I always feel, "why would you prefer them over me?" Why is it that he gets to kiss you and hold your hand when you and I have something so much deeper. Perhaps it is that you are secure in us, and that to give up these physical things you know I'll still be there but if you give them up with him perhaps he will walk away.
I don't know why it bothers me how much you are so in love with him. Part of it is most likely envy, but I'm also sure that a part of it is that I am afraid you will get hurt.
I'm sorry. I'm not trying to send mixed signals. It's just that I'm comfortable with the way things were between us and I can't help but feeling slightly rejected because we have to give up these few things that should be insignificant but aren't. I'm sorry for letting my insecurities get between you two. I came up here thinking I could be with you, but now we're only in the same room.
I'm trying to be honest about my feelings without being confusing, but I am confused. I'm not sure why I'm feeling whatever the hell it is and I don't know why it bothers me so much.

I think I really need to get unfucked up.

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