Peripheral (nineveh_rains) wrote,

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Why can't I say the things I want to without being afraid that they'll be taken the wrong way?

Why is it that I always get depressed thinking about you? I'm getting really confused about this. And now I know what the answer will be... maybe that's why. Everyone is trying to be supportive, but they don't understand. Anyway...

She sat there in the glow of the monitor with her stringy, dirty hair and watch the smoothly programmed pixels fluctuate on the screen. It was supposed to be a form of entertainment, a game actually, but everything was boring today.

I think what I don't understand is how everything can go well for you. Well, I do know the answer, either I just don't like it or haven't accepted it yet.

I had a bad dream this morning, and then maminia was frustrated because of the rain and I felt so bad. I don't like for her to be upset and I miss her and wish our time together could have been more pleasant. I don't know why I've been so weepy lately, I'm nowhere near my period. I'm really cold right now and I can't tell if it's because it's cold in here or if I'm just worn out.

I can see what you mean. I see more all the time, maybe that's part of what makes it so hard.

Yes, I know I am being totally incoherent. This is more for me than for you so just leave it, okay? I'm sure you'll all try to guess of just give up in exasperation anyway, so it's no big deal. I really should be unpacking right now, but I'm no longer motivated because my ideals have been shot and I have a hard time dealing with things that don't go according to plan, even if no one else is aware of the plan. Yeah, I know. Meticulous, perfectionistic bitch. Fuck, I really need to get out of this funk. Ambs would tell me I need some serotonin inducing activity; I know that too, but it doesn't look like it'll be happening. Jeezus, I hope she's in a good mood when she gets home, otherwise I don't know if she'll be able to deal with me... Here we go again.

There is still so much more I want to tell you.
Isn't this where...?

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