Yay, my sister is here! |
[Feb. 11th, 2009|11:27 pm]
Peripheral
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[ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
[ | Current Mood |
| | distressed | ] |
[ | Current Music |
| | Vertical Horizon | ] | So, my mom and sister arrived last night, I think they said around 3am. They brought the trailer over to the UHaul shop this morning and emptied the contents into a storage unit. On top of that, there was still the contents of my sister's car, which ended up in my entry way temporarily. There are a few things that will be staying here, but also a few things she can't seem to find, so we will be taking a trip to the storage unit tomorrow; to hunt for some things and store others. Other than organising, we went out to get a few necessities and also to do laundry. There was this "crazy woman" there who kept saying she was sane but told the craziest stories. Made me think of the kind of people Kim often meets. Haha. We watched an episode of Coupling before Leah passed out, so I put on the Newsboys video and got fired up enough to write them another letter. (They have yet to release the movie onto DVD and it's been out for YEARS. I'm beginning to suspect there may be a licensing issue?) Like, dude, even the H2G2 tv series is on dvd. Everything is practically on dvd these days, EXCEPT THEIR VIDEO. :( I am (still) so spiritually confused. I listen to their music and feel like I am missing something, but I went through so much heartache and hardship because of the church. I'm trying to examine both sides of the coin simultaneously, it seems. I just don't know if I can get past all my issues enough to have a close relationship with God. (I can't believe I am even writing this here, as I rarely ever talk about it.) Why does something that is supposed to be amazing (and has been at some points in my life) hurt so much?? I'm reading a book by Richard Dawkins and his arguements just don't hold much water. But we are conditioned to avoid pain. I so hate my past sometimes. Of course, I wouldn't be who I am today without it, but that doesn't make it stop. Mark said if you change the way you look at something, your feelings about it will eventually change. I guess his arguement made sense, but I'm notoriously irrational with my emotions. (Yay disorder.) And, for the first time in the 9 years I've been on the pill, I'm still spotting... Why? If it doesn't stop by next week I'll call a nurse or something. Right now, I really just want to cry and delve into the pain; let it flood me, to get it over with.
For so long my life's been sewn up tight inside your hold And it leaves me there without a place to call my own
I know now what shadows can see There's no point in running 'less you run with me It's half the distance through the open door Before you cut me down Again Let me introduce you to the end
And I feel the cold wind blowing beneath my wings It always leads me back to suffering But I will soar until the wind whips me down Leaves me beaten on unholy ground again
So tired now of paying my dues I start out strong but then I always lose It's half the distance before you leave me behind It's such a waste of time
[Chorus] 'Cause my shackles You won't be And my rapture You won't believe And deep inside you will bleed for me
So here I slave inside of a broken dream Forever holding on to splitting seams So take your piece and leave me alone to die I don't need you to keep my faith alive
I know now what trouble can be And why it follows me so easily It's half the distance through the open door Before you shut me down Again Let me introduce you to the end
[Chorus]
Though you know you care
[Chorus]
And my laughter You won't hear The faster I disappear And time will burn your eyes to tears
Jeffery is not in season 4 of Coupling. :( |
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