Peripheral (nineveh_rains) wrote,

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Rethinking Autism

I have difficulty discerning sarchasm. I also take most jokes literally most of the time, or am too rational about their content.

I have had to learn social responses. I am still very inept at picking up on physical cues. I have extreme difficulty making (and maintaining) eye contact.

Impaired social interations. Check.

Narrow fields of interest. Hmm. Maybe not. I think I'm fairly open to all kinds of things. My problem tendency is that I absorb the interests of those around me.

Average or above average intelligence. Check.

Dependant and insistent on routine. Pretty much. Not strictly, but I do thrive on routine.

Black & White thinking. Check.

Also have a rotten tendency to change every topic to apply to me. I love supporting my friends, but I have a hard time seeing the line between empathy and egocentricity.

Repeated body movements. Check. I cannot stand still. I either rock or sway. Sometimes I am self-conscious of this. Other times I do not notice. Also have a finger-fidget that I've done for as long as I can remember.

Resistance to change. Hell yeah! I am very aware of this.

I know I saw a specialist and that he chalked all this up to social anxiety. I know that. But I can't help feel so much that this fits me.

I'm 27 years old and still don't know how to meet people. And my closest friends are the ones who live farthest.

I want children and a family so badly, but I worry that I'll never be able to function in a relationship properly. :(

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