Log in

No account? Create an account
Realization - Just love me or leave me alone. — LiveJournal [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Realization [Oct. 11th, 2008|12:41 pm]
So, I've come to the realisation that when my bpd flares up, my mind filter goes out the window. What I mean by "mind filter" is that in most situations, if my thoughts start taking a negative turn, I can just tell them to fuck off or shut up. Well, I lose that ability when my bpd is triggered. It feels like I have mental tourettes. (ie I don't say the things I'm thinking aloud.)
Anyway, just thought it might be relevant.

(x-posted to borderline)

(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]From: nineveh_rains
2008-10-12 02:48 am (UTC)
Yes. I completely agree.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: this_isa_lie
2008-10-11 11:30 pm (UTC)
I know exactly what you mean. It feels like there's a person living inside of me they call that person BPD. When I'm in control I'm quiet, happy, nice, calm, even if I'm angry if I am in control I'm calm but when BPD takes the lead I feel so out of control haha. I feel like some monster has grabbed a hold of me and I never really know what's happening until it's over and then I return in control and get to deal with the consequences BPD caused for me. I guess all this rambling sums up I feel ya.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: nineveh_rains
2008-10-12 02:50 am (UTC)
Oh yes, when I lose control it is very bad. Lots of violence and screaming. I hate losing control that way. I don't let myself lose control like that too often, I've gotten too close to trouble that way, that's when I started internalising my anger and taking things out on myself. So I guess the whole process is to learn to externalise your feelings in healthy ways.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
From: springdaisyk
2008-10-13 08:08 am (UTC)
I don't have it in relation to anger so much, but more paranoid thoughts... she hates me etc and I just can't get my mind to stop thinking about it.

Anyway, I was wondering if you'd mind if I added you?
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: nineveh_rains
2008-10-13 09:23 pm (UTC)
Sure thing. I'll add you back when I get home.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)