Much depends on the circumstances.
What circumstances? Pretty much it's online chat, and we haven't even met yet.
It was in answer to the question you posed You fellas on here, what goes through your mind when a chick tells you she's not down with getting frisky? It depends on the lead up, if there's a bunch assume that most guys (people in general I should think) are going to be resentful if you toss a bucket of water on them so to speak. In your case I'm not sure, I'm assuming you didn't mean no play forever, just not right now.
Yeah. Sorry, hard to keeptrack with all the comments.
And yeah, I don't mean not ever, just I want to build a relationship not just a physical fling.
If there were a genetic glitch in the human form, then it's in the DNA of men on a whole, but not all blokes suffer from it. Aye, I'm aware that sounds like I'm making excuses for the few, but I'm not. I'm of the thinking that it's a genetic screw up in a few men than turns them into rampant sex pests, but on a purely evolutionary basis it's natural.
I know just how frustrated over some things you are, & I'm here if you need to talk, but I'm also here for you as a companion, I ain't going nowhere sweetie. Anything in particular that makes you think you're slipping back??
You're one of the best friends I've got, & I'm not looking to jump your bones, even if it were possible.
Well, in the animal kingdom, it really is about procreation. Human beings have inherited that, but like you said, that's not really an excuse.
Yeah, you weren't referrd to in this at all, just to let you know. I'm cool with you and me.
As for relapse, I've just been feeling more out of control (mainly of my emotions) lately.
How the hell do you get it across their thick skulls?
Thanks, but I am trying to avoid acts of violence.
With my luck, they'd think I was flirting. :/
I feel your pain. Thankfully I'm not dealing with that now that I'm not single and on dating sites and whatnot anymore, but oh god, when I was, I just wanted to stab people. I think when would happen on a dating site, part of the problem was that they wouldn't read the whole profile, they'd just go "OH LOOK, SOMETHING WITH TITS, I AM GOING TO TRY TO HUMP IT" and start chatting me up. But if you have said flat out to them in conversation (unambiguously) that you are not interested in casual sex, then there is no excuse (not that them not having the decency to read a full profile is an excuse either but at least in that case they can plead ignorance without it being an outright lie). Also, being bisexual didn't help because guys would see that and go "OMG THREESOME". And even after I stated in my profile that I wasn't looking for threesomes or indiscriminate sex, it still didn't help much (in fact, sometimes they'd want to know WHY I wasn't up for a threesome and try to convince me I was missing out .. one even went so far as to call me selfish for wanting something monogamous. ARGH.)
I guess my advice would be to state it as plainly as you can, and if they are still acting like they've just got no-strings sex on the brain, then stop talking to them. As for the ones who hide their real intentions until they get some .. well they're scumbags and clearly no amount of plainly stating things will work on them. Hopefully they'll slip and reveal their dickheadedness somehow and you'll be able to avoid them before it's too late. Blargh.
They all make me feel more discouraged of ever finding someone, and I know the whole "you'll find someone when you stop looking" thing.
Yeah, it doesn't help that my ex is a female. Without FAIL the first response to that is "omg that's hawt". My response to that is "fuck off, I'm still bitter and hurt". *shakes head*
I really appreciate your response.
Can I ask how you met Ryan? (I think that's his name?)
Maybe don't tell them about the female ex right away? Some guys might be a bit thick and think it's an attempt to arouse them, like when straight girls pretend to be bisexual in dance clubs to get attention. Ick, I hate that.
Ryan and I originally met at a small party thrown by a mutual friend. He thought I was a lesbian. :P We then met at a couple more parties thrown by the same person and he added me on Facebook and at some point the lesbian thing was cleared up and we started hanging out just the two of us. I should also mention that he was really discouraged about finding someone as well .. I'm his first relationship ever. I don't know if I agree that you have to stop looking in order to find someone .. but do try not to get too upset and discouraged. It's nowhere near as hopeless as it seems .. it's just that you usually have to go through a lot of duds before you find a good one. Think of it like shopping at a Salvation Army store. ;)
Well, a lot of them ask "why are you single". What am I supposed to say to that.
I'm so not good with the people skills. I wish people would just say what they mean so i don't have to try to interpret all the time.
Thanks for your encouragement and for sharing your story. I really appreciate it.
Well anyone who barely knows you and asks "why are you single" is somewhat lacking in social graces themselves. I'm sure they don't mean any harm by it but it's a pretty tactless question to ask so early on (and it implies there's something wrong with being single or that there must be something wrong with YOU if you're single which is also a bit tacky).
To avoid the subject in detail you could always just say you recently went through a breakup and leave it at that. Of course, there's nothing wrong with telling them what you've been telling them .. just a suggestion to avoid the "that's hot" comments.
Yeah. The first thing that goes through my head when they ask that is "Well, why are you?"
You are now officially my dating advice counsel. :)