|I hate this.
||[Aug. 14th, 2008|11:16 am]
Woke up shaking from a dream with M in it.
She showed up at my door. The first thing I thought was that she wanted to make up. Nope, that wasn't it at all. She proceeded to tell me which photos of her I could and couldn't keep. Finally, I got so angry, I said "Either you tell me why you cut me off like that, or leave." I didn't shout, but I was so angry, I was about to lose it. So, being a dream and my not knowing the answer IRL, she left.
She knew me well enough to know exactly how fucked up this would make me. For someone who claimed to have loved me, this is messed up to the nth degree. I'd really like to think she had no idea, but I can't convince myself that it's true.
Just when I thought I was finally geting over her, too. *sigh*
I think I'm feeling more comfortable around J now that I have a few prospects. The guy I was talking to last night wants to meet up, but I am beginning to think he's a lust hound, which is too bad. This will give me good practie at being assertive and setting boundaries. Joe wants to hang out again too, which I wouldn't mind. There's no tension or pressure with him. Also heard from Chris the other day, so he hasn't completely disappeared.
I've had a couple of impulses to call up G. Probably for free smokes, I dunno. But pushing off his advances is exhausting.
Need to play some Diablo to wear off steam.