Peripheral (nineveh_rains) wrote,
Peripheral
nineveh_rains

So, I have been thinking about this off and on for a little bit.
I'm starting to think that maybe I should write a memoir. The reason I think this would be a good idea is because of my fortunate and unique experience. Also, most BPD literature focuses on a lack of maternal attention as an underlying cause. In my case, if I did suffer any of that, it was my father's doing. (He manipulated and abused my mother.) For these two reasons, I think I may have a unique story to tell. I'm just wary of starting it because a) it would be a lot of hard, painful work, b) it would be an admittance of improvement/recovery (which is becoming more difficult to deny), c) I have trouble with linearity.

I'm also having feelings for someone that I probably shouldn't. (This really isn't anything new.) I just want a secure relationship. Yeah, last session Mark and I discussed what makes for a good/healthy relationship. I'm tired of falling out of love. I just want something that lasts and a partner that will work things out instead of running at the drop of a hat. Perspective changes everything. And yeah, it was my fault that it didn't work out the first time. I was wrong, and stupid. You will always turn me on. I could be good to you if you let me.
/pining

Okay, back to work. I'm in Welland, working on my poetry (because it is easier to get work done on this computer). I probably could go to the public library or a local cafe and do this, but I'm not that brave yet. I'm surprised at how much I have written since my first compilation.

Not sure if I should f-lock this.
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