||[Jul. 21st, 2008|03:22 pm]
So, I have been thinking about this off and on for a little bit.|
I'm starting to think that maybe I should write a memoir. The reason I think this would be a good idea is because of my fortunate and unique experience. Also, most BPD literature focuses on a lack of maternal attention as an underlying cause. In my case, if I did suffer any of that, it was my father's doing. (He manipulated and abused my mother.) For these two reasons, I think I may have a unique story to tell. I'm just wary of starting it because a) it would be a lot of hard, painful work, b) it would be an admittance of improvement/recovery (which is becoming more difficult to deny), c) I have trouble with linearity.
I'm also having feelings for someone that I probably shouldn't. (This really isn't anything new.) I just want a secure relationship. Yeah, last session Mark and I discussed what makes for a good/healthy relationship. I'm tired of falling out of love. I just want something that lasts and a partner that will work things out instead of running at the drop of a hat. Perspective changes everything. And yeah, it was my fault that it didn't work out the first time. I was wrong, and stupid. You will always turn me on. I could be good to you if you let me.
Okay, back to work. I'm in Welland, working on my poetry (because it is easier to get work done on this computer). I probably could go to the public library or a local cafe and do this, but I'm not that brave yet. I'm surprised at how much I have written since my first compilation.
Not sure if I should f-lock this.