Peripheral (nineveh_rains) wrote,

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Welcome to the swamp

Today has got to be the most trying day I have ever experienced, but I've also learned a lot today, and learning is always good. If it wasn't for doctor V. actually going to make those appointments, I never would have been able to. I nearly blacked out a few times, so intense. So many times I asked myself, "How am I going to do this?" I felt like I was passing through the lake of fire. Putting me in this place exacerbates my symptoms to no end until I can hardly move. I was thinking to myself "today you'll really see me" about dr. V because for the most part she's only seen me in my regular mode, not under dire stress.
It's kinda like when I forced myself to read The Catcher in the Rye. I found that book to be so boring! But I forced myself to read it and in the end I did better for it (as far as that class was concerned). So this is similar but to the extreme. I'm feeling slightly ill thinking about this. I think I'm at breaking point if I try to deal with this anymore today, as much as I'd like to tell you more.

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