Had a dream about Ambs last night. It was great to see her, if only in my dream.
So, I'm going to be honest about something, even if it might piss some people off.
I am jealous of the relationship Jen and Ambs have. I remained friends with Jen even when Ambs had stopped speaking to both of us, but now they are both single mums and have that to bond over. I feel shut out. Since they're both on my flist, I can see when they reply to each others' comments and I feel ignored or undervalued. When I found out that Jen had been abandoned in England, I sent out a care package for her, but for some reason it never got to her and I hate that, because I thought about everything that I put into it and wrote her a letter; I imagined what she would think and feel upon opening it. That will never happen and it is frustrating. I also hate that the only way I have of contacting Ambs is through LJ. I do miss you. You are in my dreams and thoughts more than you probably imagine. Maybe I'm PMSing, or maybe it's the loss of Timothy. Maybe it is something completely unrelated. I understand that being a new mother is hard. I don't expect 24/7 chat.
Anyway, I don't even know what the point of this is. All I know is that my friends are hurting and I feel useless and unwanted.