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More thinking [Sep. 26th, 2007|01:33 am]
[Current Mood |indescribableindescribable]
[Current Music |The Lover After Me - Savage garden]

It would serve me right to fall in love with someoneand have them leave me. I mean, a full-blown serious relationship, not we've dated a few times and it isn't clicking. I always end up leaving first. My mom thinks this is because of my father treating me like crap.
I've broken enough hearts. Bring on the payback.
Or maybe I just want "proof" that I'm not good enough.
The only two rejections I've been through were only casual affairs; very easily written off.
Don't ask me why I feel I deserve this, I just do. I know it's fucked up; that's the way I am.

[User Picture]From: sexyblueduck
2007-09-26 05:51 am (UTC)
hm. that's weird.
you're clearly the shit, and everyone you've been with know it.
so there ya go XD
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[User Picture]From: xlife_n_deathx
2007-09-26 07:15 am (UTC)
"Or maybe I just want "proof" that I'm not good enough."

That may be my problem. I don't even get to dating. I convince myself that I'm unworthy of love or that no one could like me. Someone would have to be crazy to like me, right?
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[User Picture]From: hokus_mouse
2007-09-26 11:09 pm (UTC)
I get that like someone likes you and you start thinking, if they like me what's wrong with them, or, they must not know me if they like me.
Or at least that's how I tend to react.
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[User Picture]From: hokus_mouse
2007-09-26 11:23 pm (UTC)
I think you want someone to tell you that you're a bad person for doing those things.
I also agree with repeating the thing with your father.
Reminds me of how I thought about Tom - that his dad left him and he had an overbearing, disapproving mother. His relationships tended to be one sided, where he would choose people who would look up to him or be "less" then him (so he could get approval that he lacked from his mother, and so they won't leave him) and also left everyone of them (to repeat his father leaving but the other way around. Well everyone but me (despite his after relationship disillusionment that he left me).
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