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I am irrationally angry right now. I went for a walk, which I haven't… - Just love me or leave me alone. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[Aug. 9th, 2007|08:56 pm]
[Current Mood |irateirate]

I am irrationally angry right now.
I went for a walk, which I haven't done in who knows how long, and I feel more agitated than when I left. *sigh*

I had a dream this morning about committing suicide. It started off in that I got upset because everyone was going out and no one had even thought to invite me. I got terribly upset over this and had a very methodical plan that I would execute while everyone was out. Well, the plan backfired when not everyone was out at the same time. A man found me looking through the cupboards and yelled at me for trying to OD on something-sulfate. I went up to my room and bawled my eyes out and sulked and once again came to the conclusion that it is not my decision whether I live or die. This conclusion frustrates me to no end and only add to the injustices of life.

I sort of know that I am acting out, but I don't really know of any way that I could be doing things differently. All the time my therapist asks me that, and I never have an answer.

*rant, bitch, moan*