I'm really having a time tonight. Today I felt crappy because of all the things I never did in highschool because of my inability to interact with people. Most of this also applies to my current life. Like being in a band, or a play or some other kind of highschool/university memory crap. I really really wish I could do theatre... I've always been interested in it. I've been involved enough to know how different onstage and offstage involvement is. I've been to both group and individual auditions, but I just can't handle the anxiety. Sometimes I just get so fucking mad at myself in frustration for not being able to do the things I want to do. Like theatre, yes, but also things that are supposed to be really simple, like ordering a pizza. I can't even fucking do that! And no, I don't want drugs to make it go away. Sorry, but I just can't handle the idea of needing drugs to feel okay. I really just can't accept that, and I also can't handle the fact that I'll probably have them pushed on me or have some doctor trying to talk me into it.
I think that's enough for now.