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The weekend approaches. [Apr. 27th, 2007|11:26 pm]
[Current Mood |depresseddepressed]

Everyone is signing off and I am feeling abandoned and depressed. I think I still experience all of my bpd symptoms, I just tend to act on them less often I guess.

I just thought about how my mom bought me this laptop as a graduation present and how it is dying and soon I won't have it anymore. This makes me very depressed. As well as the fact that the guitar she bought me for my birthday two years ago got burned up in the fire. That depresses me so much as well.

I should be feeling good. I got to talk to Kalena for I don't even know how long tonight. I got to talk to Kim briefly last night. My sister will be phoning tomorrow. And Brianna invited me to her highschool graduation. I don't know why I feel so depressed.

I started watching Heroes last night. The only thing I dislike about it are the little blurbs at the beginning and end a la "The Outer Limits". I have watched up to episode 7 already and will probably watch at least one more tonight before I sleep.

I have been sleeping during the day again. This weather depresses me. Well, actually, it's also that I don't have much to do just right now. Especially compared to the busy week I just got through. It's really hard to get motivated to work on my poetry. I looked up some websites for contests, but it seems like so much work. I know. I sound like I'm whining. :(

The doctor told me it would be dangerous to have kids with the meds I am currently on, so that has become something far flung into the future. And it happens to be one of the most important aspects of my life. Just another way that illness controls you.

Speaking of ailments, last night I had shooting, stabbing pain in my left knee. Bad enough to make me groan aloud. I couldn't do anything to make it stop. I've never had pain in this location before, either.

Okay, enough complaining. If anyone knows of any good audio recording software, I would like to know about it. I have some audio cassettes that I would really like to digitally record before the technology becomes obsolete. I don't even know if I could find a tape deck that I can record from anymore. *sigh* I feel like I am getting old. (My therapist laughed when I said this.) Eventually, even cds will be obsolete.

I hate change, it affirms my existence.

[User Picture]From: gallius
2007-04-28 04:45 pm (UTC)
Sorry you're feeling crappy chica. :( Hope ya' feel better soon.
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[User Picture]From: phantomeor
2007-04-29 08:12 pm (UTC)

the weather has been crappy here too, so i can totally relate to being unmotivated and depressed...i'm getting anxious for the sun to come out, at least then i'd be feeling a bit better...

as for the laptop your mom gave you, at least it's been well used :)...technology really isn't built to last, at least not for more than a few years it would seem...

i take it you weren't able to replace the guitar from the fire?...i have some very weird attachments to objects, so i understand that although it's just an object, there's still a certain feeling/emotion evoqued by them....*hugs*

wish i could be there, we could go for a walk (or drive) and get cream soda slushies :)
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[User Picture]From: nineveh_rains
2007-04-30 05:19 am (UTC)
Ed and Elaine bought me a replacement, but it's not the same, you know? I have complex feelings about my relationship with my mom, so that's probably contributing to this mourning of stuff.

:) I had a creamsoda slushie yesterday.
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