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Maybe it's me... - Just love me or leave me alone. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
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Maybe it's me... [Apr. 25th, 2006|12:21 am]
Peripheral
So, things have not been so great for Jamie lately. Just now, I said how I wondered how his karma got all fucked up. But then, my K-girl is having a rough go of it too. Two people who need me. Two people who I need also. I know it is wrong and self-centered but that evil voice can't help but plant the idea that maybe I am the reason things are going bad for them. Kinda funny, too, because just last week my therapist was telling me that I had inherent value and that there are good things about me whether other people recognise and validate them or not. It's really very hard to stick on that view. I would have to say that is the "white" view as opposed to my "black" view that I am not a good person, that I am horrible and have done horrible things and that the only value I have is what others place in me. I think I am on the verge of staring Burn-out in the face, but I don't know how to ease up on looking after my friends. As far as I know, Leah and Michelle are doing alright. Leah just got her new car and an interview for cheffing at the casino. Michelle sounded good when I talked to her on MSN and is doing well financially. So, that sort of counter-acts my "I'm a negative influence" therory, but I still can't help thinking that way. I just wish I wasn't feeling so drained so soon. I feel even more distanced from Ian. :( Some of it is probably because he is busy with end of term stuff, but still... I hate feeling distanced. It makes me feel ineffective.
So tired...
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Comments:
From: _evanescence_
2006-04-25 06:49 am (UTC)
I think the same thing all the time... I feel that I'm a horrible person and thats why i have no friends and gf :( *sigh* and thats why I feel and think it would be better if I wasn't even here not like anyone would care
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[User Picture]From: _leafy
2006-04-25 01:12 pm (UTC)
There are so many good things about you! *warm hugs*
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[User Picture]From: 980iana
2006-04-25 02:20 pm (UTC)
I've been busy with school and Laura's been home so it's hard to find time. Once school is finished I should have more time to spend with you.
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[User Picture]From: nineveh_rains
2006-04-25 05:30 pm (UTC)
I know. I was just having a moment. *squidge*
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