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topless in the dark - Just love me or leave me alone. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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topless in the dark [Feb. 22nd, 2006|06:32 am]
[Current Mood |crankycraving !!!!]
[Current Music |Breathing - Lifehouse]

I dunno. J isn't feeling great and nothing I say seems to make it better. :( Played Maple Story today. Worked on knitting. Listened to audio book. Watched 2 episodes of CSI (yay!) and a movie (Side Streets). I feel fat. :( I've been trying to eat more conscienciously but it doesn't feel like it's effective at all. :( Still feel like I could pick up smoking again at the drop of a hat. Remembered that the first time I quit was only for about a month (until I ended up at the shelter). I dunno, maybe smoking feels deliberate. It's an action. Not smoking is an unaction. Smoking validates my existence. Guess I'll bring this up in therapy. There's gotta be a better way, I just don't know what it is yet. :( (fuck. i could really use a smoke.)