Journal entry November 22, 2005 1:10am
I feel like a failure; that I will never be what I desire. Others tell me to be proud but all I see is failure and room for improvement. I feel that I will never achieve my goals but will die trying because I just don't know how to fit into this world, like there is a compatability error. You can't make the square fit through the circular opening, yet I feel that every day I am asked to squish the square through the circle hole as much as I can when maybe I don't even like the circle hole but how did I get here to the wrong place? Whoever left me here has abandoned me and is never going to come back. There is no salvation and so I must continue to force the square through the circular hole daily or else be labelled a quitter. Why are people so unaccepting of differences? Why must I try to be normal like you? Why can't I just be me - the square that doesn't fit through the same opening as you? I don't want this life and all of my dreams are realities away and beyond even the slightest glimmer of hope of reach. There is no happily ever after. I am damned to this world for my unknown and unspeakable crimes while having no idea by whom it is that I have been convicted. Perhaps I have damned myself to this fruitless struggle but there is no reprieve and no forgiveness and I must have been something horrible to deserve this.
x-posted to borderline