Peripheral (nineveh_rains) wrote,

This isn't fair.

Why do you come back to me after I tell everyone you've left. I thought I had gotten rid of you finally; that I was finally free? I guess victory could never be this easy and you just want to spit it in my face perhaps? I really really hate this! I didn't do anything to deserve this! Yesterday when we were talking about suicide in class, I thought about how if anyone was going to do it in my family, everyone would expect it to be me. *laughs hysterically* It's funny, because right now I don't even have suicide ideation. Right now I like life, even feeling as shit as this. "Do you have hope for the future?" An important diagnostic. Yes, yes I do. Moreso than when you called the ambulance on me. And at this point I'm not close to going back to that yet, but I don't know what I might do. Maybe just go have a cigarette, maybe sleep for 15 hours, or maybe bleed for a little while.

Isn't this funny? No matter what anyone says at times like these, it means nothing. Maybe later it helps to come out of the myre, but at the time it's meaningless. It can't be anything else, because the pain or numbness envelopes everything.

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