Peripheral (nineveh_rains) wrote,

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I used to post a lot

When I first started this journal I posted a lot, as in several times a day. Now it's more like once a week, if that. I guess I should write more. I'm just not very good of thinking of what to write. I had therapy today. It went alright. My ultrasound came back clear so at least we know it isn't anything major, but it is a pain in the ass being in pain all the time. And I started getting migrains again. The last time I had one was when I started Celexa. I have no idea what is causing these (first one last night). Maybe stress with this whole not being able to eat or I don't know. Did a re-evaluation for the program since it's been a year. Mark says I still fall under the "severe" category which doesn't surprise me but part of me wonders whether I mark myself lower on those scales than actually. Either way, I would completely freak out if I was told that therapy was being discontinued. Learned a few things about my needs and a lot of it is either validating my thoughts/feelings or showing me the faults in them. We all need validation.
Jamie went back to work this week. I miss him already. :( Not that I was seeing him every day or anything, I guess just knowing he was around? I dunno, but I feel more lonely lately, but maybe that's just pms.
So I saw my father the other night. He picked me up and we went with Leah to visit my grandparents and it went alright. I just hate when I feel like my parents use my sister and I as substitutes for their partners. I don't mean this in an incestuous way, but more of them using us to fill an emotional gap or something when their partner isn't available. It really irks me sometimes feeling so secondary, but it's their life, right? It's already been made apparent that my parents cannot meet the needs I have. I'm supposed to find healthy, alternative ways of having my needs met.
My sister got laid off today. Now I feel even worse about not living with her, but in a way it's kinda good because then I'm not costing her anything either. Well, except for gas to come see me or pick me up... :( Damn, I don't know what to think.
Got most of my Xmas shopping done. All I have left to buy are gift certificates and mail out parcels, which is good so I can focus on my birthday. My mom is having dinner for me and I got Jamie to agree to come so I am very happy about that and looking forward to it and hope Tom isn't a dick that night.
Our first choir engagement is the 26th of this month. I hope I can find some way to relieve this pain before then. I skipped practice this week and last week was pretty much useless I was in so much pain. And Kay still wants me to do a solo... :S
So I guess this is my "brief" re-cap of the month so far and I will try to update more regularly again. It's not like I don't have the time... just, do me a favour and let me know if you care how much I post or whatever. Just wanna know if anyone still reads this.

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