I think I've finally figured something out.
I have developed a terrrible avoidance of commitment, because, somehow, I have gotten the idea into my head that as soon as I commit to something, something better will come along and I won't be able to leave for the better. This is extremely painful since by doing this I deny myself even temporary happiness. And when the great...whatever it is I am waiting for... comes along, I'll more than likely end up passing it by, since I am convinced that something better will come along... *sigh*
Well, I still believe I am better off hurting myself rather than others. I've already hurt so many people in my life... If I hurt myself enough, I won't feel it when other's hurt me.