Peripheral (nineveh_rains) wrote,

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I wish I was back at the apartment so I could OD and spend hours out of it, or go to Bill's and get high for hours. I'm tempted to chain smoke since it's the only thing I can do. I'm not even supposed to drink while I'm here.
Dave took me out for lunch today and gave me $10. When I saw him he stood to hug me and I didn't even think about it and it felt good. But now I'm depressed as all fuck and I'm getting bored of reading and puzzles. I wish I could write.

Dammit! I'm Awake Again
the oranges were bitter this morning
begrudging this continuation
existing, never living
surviving, never thriving
I beg for the pleasantness of unconscious
even the worst nightmare
is a more sane reality
close my eyes
and the madness (around me) stops.
but the asylum of my mind
is more of a horrific circus than a dream world
it is still safer than this world.
of which I have no control.
and no place.
and no purpose.
in my world,
my mind,
I can exist,
I can find myself
amongst the turmoil
that fills me
I can live through the pain
one of the few things I identify with
and sleep calls me now
the sirens' call.

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