I just want to die so I can stop asking people to like me; to notice that I (don't) exist. I don't have time for this anymore. People don't like you if you are unhappy; I can't be happy unless there are people who like me. Circular all over again. I want to cut really bad. And I want to stab myself in the chest with a steak knife.
I have no one to tell this to.
So, you see, if I take off, then I won't be that pesky little "I need this and I need that" to anyone anymore. I am sick of being this useless body that does nothing and has no one. I'll hardly be missed, you know. Everyone else has family and friends to occupy them. I don't even want a funeral, because nobody will come. I might like to kill my father before I off myself tho.
See, the nurses said, "You won't want to hurt yourself once you start feeling better." That's only good if you aren't ALLERGIC to the medication they give you! And I tried explaining to them how gapeing my "security net" is. There isn't anyone who can help me. I KNEW. I TOLD them that it was a matter of environment. Do they believe me? Of course not. I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. I get discharged out of Homewood and kill myself. Isn't it wonderful?