Peripheral (nineveh_rains) wrote,
Peripheral
nineveh_rains

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Don't mind me, I'm just dead.

I just don't want to be alone. It hurts and I'm afraid. I almost left class to wallow in my misery. I just want company. I am bored. I know I'm not very pleasant right now. I just don't like myself. Don't mind me, I'm just dead. Stupid drivel, isn't it? I hate being this pathetic. I hate feeling so isolated; so pushed away and uninvited. I hate having to force myself to do anything. Right now I just don't care about myself. If I can't have personal contact, I don't want any contact at all. I'll just sit here and rot in my misery.

Eventually, you have to go home.: The story of my life. I never had a safe place to go and still I don't. Can't you see I'm better off just being allowed to heal if only for one night? I just want to be safe once in awhile. I want to be cared for.

Doing this all on my own is so difficult. Heavy. My head hurts and I've lost my will. I hate this. I hate it!

I am very very broken and none of the pieces seem to fit anymore. Some of them are not even contained in myself anymore.

Okay, I'll be positive. It felt comforting when you held me and stroked me and ran your fingers through my hair. I miss it the way I miss my mother. I don't know if I can be this independant person I want to be. I feel like I'm drowning myself, trying to force myself to swin and I won't get out of the water because I don't want to seem like a quitter, no matter how hazardous or life threatening the waters may get. Maybe I just need to learn when to quit.

I don't know what's right anymore. "When I feel fear, I know I'm doing the right thing." But what if that's the right thing for you?

I don't blame you for any of this. You're just a scared and confused boy and I'm a lost girl asking you to take me somewhere neither of us have been before.

I will never be safe
I will never be sane
I will always be wierd inside
I will always be lame


Pigeons & Crumbs - Natalie Imbruglia
Gotta get back
Gotta figure out a way
I'm losing my senses to you
Where'd it go, the bluebird I should follow?
Back home, but where is home?
Guess it won't amount to much
Won't be long before I crush
I'll stand in line
Don't believe a thing they say, today
Seems we all get lost amongst the pigeons and the crumbs
All alone
But I'm in a crowded room
I'm sinking, in quick sand tonight
You pick me up, And I shine across the sky till morning, Then you colour me in
Guess it won't amount to much
Seems to me I've lost my touch
I'm back in line
Don't believe a thing they say today
Turn around and walk away
Everything will go your way, I pray
Seems we all get lost amongst the pigeons and the crumbs
Gotta get in time
Gotta get it last time
Don't believe a thing they say today
Turn around and walk away
Everything will go your way, I pray
Seems we all get lost amongst the pigeons and the crumbs
Don't believe a thing they say today
Turn around and walk away
Everything will go your way, I pray
Seems we all get lost amongst the pigeons and the crumbs

Why did I do this? I smelt faintly of your scent, from being held by you; now all I smell like is cigarette smoke. Masochistic bitch, aren't I?
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