January 12th, 2009


Goodbye, Phil. :(

Is it enough just to exist? I am so incapable of tolerating my own emotions. If I feel anything strong, I disassociate. I used to really thrive off of strong feelings and crave them even, but now - although I sometimes miss them - I just am unable to tolerate any feeling outside of my normal flat line.

And I'm guessing this is BPD related, but I'm not entirely sure. I am so upset about a certain member of my favourite band leaving the group. Like, just heard a song with him singing harmonies and I felt immensely sad about him not being in the band anymore. I think this is cliche or something but seriously, this band has saved my life so many times (well, their music, but also their faith that is conveyed through their work). It feels stupid to be this upset. It's not like the band is breaking up. And an original member of the band is even coming back.
In 2007, Phil Joel announced that he would leave the band to pursue his own projects and albums, bringing his time with the band to a close.
Why am I so upset about this??? I was a fan before he joined, and I shall continue to remain a fan. Part of me is really hoping it wasn't a stupid squabble, such as what led DC Talk to break up. I don't know. I've also never ever liked change all that much, so perhaps that is playing a role as well.
Anyway, enough of that.
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1. What would you do right now, if money were not an issue?
I'd go out to Best Buy, HMV, Wal-Mart and buy all the cds I've been wanting for years. Plus a new iPod.

2. What would you do for the next three years, if money were not an issue?
I would travel all over to meet my online friends.

3. What is bringing you the most joy right now that requires little or no money?
Having my Moose over.

4. What types of things do you find enjoyable that require no money?
Reading (library = yes).

5. Is there anything you've been meaning to do for a long time, but put off because of money?
Meeting friends, getting off this continent (temporarily).