December 6th, 2007


A house is not (necessarily) a home.

I'm feeling better now since choir practice. I really didn't even want to go, but I did anyway because I want to have some idea wtf we're doing on Friday.

Just watched a Lifetime movie called Homeless to Harvard. I sort of found it depressing because I used to fantasize all the time about living on the street. I would walk home from school and figure out how I could survive without going home. I had the same sort of fantasy while I was attending university. I actually had a job then that paid cash, and I knew all the good places to catch a nap, so I really could have done it. I guess I'm really fucked up in the head to wish that sort of thing. Even when I was living at the shelter, I didn't feel homeless. I guess feeling homeless would entail feeling like you have nowhere to go, which I guess I did feel a little bit before Elaine invited me to come live with them.

I feel totally off, like I'm getting near my period or something (which I guess I am), but everyone at choir was acting weird too. I'm so glad they cut it out before I got fed-up.

In the movie, the main character mentioned how she thought about directing all of her energy into going insane. I wish it was that [expletive deleted] easy. But my co-patients at Homewood hit it right on the nose: I just want to be taken care of. [/sob-story]