September 29th, 2006


I have a deep seated need for secrets...

...or perhaps the drama dispelled by them.

The purple is already washing out of my hair. I got a few positive comments from choir last night, one of them being "Good for you," as she smiled and ran her fingers through my hair. (What you need to know is that I am currently the youngest attendee in the choir, the rest being probably 45+). So, that was cool.
My anxiety has been high strung. I've been trying to do a lot of cleaning/organising/simplifying.
I walked into an open freezer at the grocery store, so the bashed bruise on my leg is back.

I've been having dreams about ex boyfriends. And they weren't even very significant relationships. The first one was of GL and I needed him to take care of my cat. Last night I dreamt about JB and he had a new gf but she was very timid and unsure of herself. Obviously there was more detail than all that, but those are the basics. I guess it's more about how a dream makes me feel than the actual events of the dream (maybe, sometimes). Ergh, all I know is that I am getting that "longing for things past" kind of feeling. Perhaps piqued by the absense of my current boyfriend, through no fault of his own but that of a new job that has him working late.

Nothing ever really went wrong with me and JB...I think it just got to the point where our relationship was getting too intense too fast. He was soft and spiritual and fun.

I really just want to cry. I've felt the need to cry all week long, but nothing intense enough has come along to trigger the floodgates... Last night almost, but sometimes I hate the level of self-restraint I am capable of. *sigh*
  • Current Mood
    anxious anxious

(no subject)

Every time I try to wake up today, my head wants to explode! And not in a physical sense. I really wish I could just sleep today away. I think I am on the verge of body aches - where your emotions are so mixed up and suppressed that you start having physical pain.
I really just want to sleep, but I am too accomodating of others to blow them off. Also realising a lot of transferrence. It isn't going to be a good day.
  • Current Mood
    tired tired

Retail therapy

So today was my first bout with "retail therapy". I intended to buy clothes, but ended up sticking to (6) dvds, (3) cds, a Gaz figure, and some cardstock. I have no idea how much I spent. It was carefree credit card spending and I'll kick myself for it later. I still exerted self-restraint (ie. I didn't buy out the record store) but I guess that is what I am good at.
I really really just wanted to lie in bed all day with my headphones on, but my boyfriend had been waiting all week long to see me, and he kinda had a breakdown on me later on. If you know me at all, you know I hate to disappoint anyone. Jamie also bought me Resident Evil 2 on dvd, so that makes 7 new dvds today in total, although I am currently watching season 6 of Gilmore Girls. (Blame my sister.)
Ed may have repaired my 2 scratched up cds; I haven't listened to them yet to check, but he waxed them for me so that was nice.
I really wish I could just go out and have a cigarette. *sigh*
I can't even let myself be bad anymore. Last night I wanted to skip meds and stay up all night. But I didn't. I wanted to skip breakfast this morning. But I didn't.
Well, I got bubble tea out of it, and managed to find a guy who actually likes it. :P
That's about it for now. I know other people have gone more spend crazy than me, but that was quite a lot for me. The most I've ever spent in one day was $800 once when I was in highschool; today was nowhere near that amount but it's the most I've spent in awhile. (Not counting my plane ticket to Seattle.)
  • Current Mood
    tired tired