December 15th, 2005


Year in Review (my own version) - January

Why should I be happy when I feel so fucking unwanted and insignificant?
It feels so fucking good to be loved, even if just in a dream.
Feel proud of the fact that you got yourself where you are by mostly your own effort (even if it is a cardboard box!).
I feel like I will never be wanted. I just get passed from hand to hand because I am worthless and no one wants me. My mother doesn't want me; I don't think I could live with my father. I hate depending on Leah. It makes me feel so bad because I feel like I am hindering her success. That she has this fucked-up older sister she has to take care of... :(
I used to believe in forever, But forever's too good to be true
The worst part is that if she wanted to be friends again, I'd jump at the chance.
I fucking hate memories. The problem is because I don't dream of the future, I long for the past. A past that will never be and probably isn't anything like the way I remember it.

TEN Random Things About Me:

10) I am currently awake

9) I like sleep way too much

8) I am a kitty

7) I have cool eyes

6) I miss my friends

5) I wish things would start falling into place

4) I <3 Roswell (the television show)

3) I also <3 DNA (Rest In Peace)

2) I like science dudes, like Edison and Einstein and Effiel and Archemedies

1) Psychology intrigues me

NINE Places I've Visited:

9) Branson, Missouri

8) Lexington, Kentucky

7) Hershey Park, Pennsylvania

6) 5 minutes inside Quebec (outside Cobalt, ON)

5) Melanie's apartment before she moved :)

4) Places Kalena has lived

3) Michelle's parents' ("invisible house guest")

2) My step-sis Marcie for her b-day :) (Guelph, ON)

1) Disney World, Florida (2000)

EIGHT Things I want to do before I die:

8) go to Australia

7) meet my friends in England and Finland

6) LegoLand in Denmark

5) The Smithsonian

4) visit BC

3) write something meaningful

2) have a family

1) be happy

SEVEN Ways to win my heart:

7) love me even when I can't

6) understand that there are times when I can't accept being loved

5) forgive me for being impossible

4) help me to understand things that seem obvious to everyone else

3) be nice to me

2) want me

1) hold promise of a future

SIX Things I believe in:

6) Death

5) Fear

4) Friendship

3) spirits/ghosts, angels and demons

2) psychic power

1) music

FIVE Things I'm afraid of:

5) dogs

4) bridges

3) vaccume cleaners

2) having my soul trapped in my body after I'm dead

1) myself

FOUR of my Favorite Items in my bedroom:

4) my bed

3) my blanket

2) my puff squishies

1) my books

THREE Things I do everyday:

3) eat cereal (so long as there is milk)

2) read something

1) sleep

TWO Things I am trying not to do right now:

2) go back to sleep

1) obsess over games I can't play

ONE Person I want to see right now:

1) my moosey


So, been reading through my entries for the past year. I think I'm gonna make a summary entry, one for each month, so tonight I did January. I'm feeling really off and I think maybe it is PMS but I have been getting migraines again.

...I just lost the energy to continue this post. Maybe I will remember what I wanted to write later.