August 24th, 2005

flight

Life is what happens when you’re busy doing something else.

“Romantic love is supposed to end – for everyone,” writes therapist Joe Kort. “The experience of falling in love produces a natural amphetamine called phenalethalamine [sic] (PEA)… When you’re in love, you actually are drugged without realizing it!” Each time it’s released it’s less powerful, and lasts for a shorter period of time. When the drug wears off, the honeymoon’s over and “partners sometimes break up and get back together many times because their reunion triggers a fresh dose of PEA.”
Others just give up after the high is gone, he says, when they realize a real relationship, and real love, takes a lot of work. Kort goes on to describe the many benefits of making the effort, such as support and the healing of childhood wounds. But as someone who could be single forever, I choose to fixate on my own interpretation: that although wanting to be with someone is natural, not wanting to stay with them is, too.
“The search to find Prince Charming is futile and will guarantee your remaining single,” he writes. “In fact, most researchers and therapists believe couples do not survive after the first couple of years. These beliefs are true if sexual attraction (Prince Charming criteria) is used in selecting men to date and if lust is the primary reason the couple is together.”
As for relationships: “I think I may have thought about it once or twice, but I know people who’ve had relationships. They break up and they go to pieces, and the person you love, now you hate them.
I couldn’t put myself through that. I couldn’t handle the breakup.”
Things done alone are regarded with suspicion and fear and pity compared to things done in groups.
“People put their life on hold waiting for someone to give them permission to have a good experience,”
...but secretly I’m looking forward to finally having someone to play Lego with.


~Single forever? - by Steven Bereznai