November 25th, 2004


Yay survey!

-- your heritage: Latvian, German
-- the shoes you wore today: My sneakers home, Leah's out to smoke, my library shoes to choir
-- your hair: blonde
-- your eyes:cool
-- your fears: dogs, bridges, the vaccumm cleaner, making phone calls
-- your perfect pizza: pineapple and green olives

what is
-- your most overused phrase: OMG
-- your thoughts first waking up: Dammit! I'm awake again.
-- the first aspect of the opposite sex that you notice: hair
-- your best physical feature: bum
-- your bedtime: about 40 mins after I take my Seroquel

you prefer
-- McDonald’s or Burger King: They both suck!
-- single or group dates: whatever
-- Adidas or Nike: B.U.M
-- Lipton ice tea or Nestea: uh... the green lable Nestea
-- cappuccino or coffee: I'm getting into coffee, as long as it's not Timmy Ho's.
-- boxers or briefs: I like borrowing guys' boxers

do you
-- smoke: yeh
-- sing well: I like to think so
-- take a shower everyday: no
-- want to go to college: been there, done that
-- like high school: kinda
-- want to get married: Yeh. :/
-- type w/ your fingers on the right keys: not sure
-- believe in yourself: nope. I don't exist
-- get motion sickness: sometimes
-- think you’re attractive: I used to be
-- think you’re a health freak: no
-- get along with your parents: If they gave a damn
-- like thunderstorms: erm... I dunno
-- play an instrument: well, piano kinda and hopefully guitar soon

in the past month, did/have you
-- done a drug: yes
-- gone to the mall?: yes
-- eaten an entire box of oreos: no
-- eaten sushi: no
-- been on stage: sorta
-- been dumped: um...
-- gone skating: no
-- made homemade cookies: no
-- gone skinny dipping: no
-- dyed your hair: no, but I plan to
-- stolen anything: Umm...not during this month

have you ever
-- played a game that required removal of clothing?: yeah, strip UNO! :D
-- been trashed or extremely intoxicated?: yeh
-- been caught "doing something"?: not really
-- gotten beaten up?: yes
-- shoplifted?: no
-- if so, did you get caught?: no
-- changed who you were to fit in?: no "I'm a freak, they say I've lost my mind. But I know, I've never seen more clearly. When I speak, they say I've gone too far this time..."

-- age you hope to be married?: now
-- numbers and names of children?: 2 boys, 1 girl, that order. Jonathan, Reuben, Kaitlin
-- describe your dream wedding?: anything to a certain someone
-- how do you want to die?: soon
-- where you want to go to college?: Hell
-- what do you want to be when you grow up?: dead
-- drugs taken illegally: weed
-- cds that I own: 300+
-- piercing: ears, maybe navel one day
-- tattoos: I wanna get something to symbolise peace so maybe I can convince myself that I have some
-- scars on my body: scars from chicken pox, scratches from cats, SI
-- things in my past that I regret: ruining things

yes or no
-- you keep a diary: journals. lots of 'em
-- you like to cook: not really
-- you have a secret you have not shared with anyone: nope
-- you fold your underwear: yes, and I'm very picky about the way it is done
-- you talk in your sleep: I think I might have
-- you set your watch a few minutes ahead: yes
-- you bite your fingernails: sometimes
-- you believe in love: :/

x. movie you watched = um... Aladdin
x. song you listened to = Hold on by Good Charlotte
x. song you’ve downloaded = um... got some songs from a friend
x. cd you bought = Devotion by the Newsboys
x. person you’ve called = Elaine
x. person that’s called you = Dave
x. tv show you’ve watched = um... Jeopardy

x. you wish you could live somewhere else = oblivion
x. you think about suicide = almost every day
x. you believe in online dating = meh
x. others find you attractive = hopefully
x. you want more piercings = maybe navel
x. you want more tattoos = just one
x. you drink = occasionally
x. you do drugs = I'm supposed to. They keep me sane.
x. you smoke = yep
x. you like cleaning = I like organising
x. you like roller coasters = yes
x. you write in cursive or print = mostly print nowadays
x. do you carry a donor card = nope, I haven't really thought about where I stand on that ethically

have you
x. ever cried over a girl = yes. *bitter*
x. ever cried over a boy = Iat least once a year</i>
x. ever lied to someone = yes
x. ever been in a fist fight = not like that
x. ever been arrested = no, fortuately
  • Current Mood
    bored bored

(no subject)

Man... well, I attempted to sleep for ~4 hours, to not much avail.

My mother called at 9:30 being totally unsupportive. Mrrrr.

I can't believe there is snow outside!
  • Current Music
    Mom's Coming to My House - Dead Trolls

This is what happens when I don't take my meds.

What the hell do I want gifts for when I don't even want to be here?

More and more I feel like my parents really don't care. All I have left is my sister and I can't ask her to save me, even if she wants to.

Leah... I have no idea what to say. I hate that my being like this hurts you. So much. If I knew how to fix it, I would.

I think we should talk more. I just don't know what to say.

(no subject)

I don't have to worry about the dr's. The secretary guy called and he didn't even ask why I missed it. (Which is cool for me.)

I feel like total crap. My head hurts and I can barely see and I am sweating.
  • Current Mood
    sick sick