November 24th, 2004




Well, I didn't go to my appointment today. It was pouring and I really didn't have the energy or motivation to walk over and Leah had gone out, so I called my mom to ask her to come with me and she was trying to tell me all these reasons why I should go and garbage and that she had to go to Hamilton, so I asked her to call them to tell them I wouldn't be coming and she said no, so now everyone is gonna yell at me for skipping my appointment when I asked for help getting there (or at least cancelling). If it was so important to go, mom, why wasn't it important enough for you to help me get there? >:(
Yeah, this is more than likely misdirected anger but right now I don't care. I told her, fine, I'd call and ask Elaine to bring me, but I couldn't bring myself to call another person just to hear all the reasons I should be motivated to go and all their excuses why they can't come to help me. Maybe I expect too much of people. I almost asked my friend to drop me off at the dr's office instead of at Leah's, but then I would have had to sit there for 2 hours with all my stuff and still have to walk home in the rain. Mrrrrrrrr. :S
So, anyway, I just went to sleep and Annabelle slept with me and I woke up around 4:30 and really I could have just gone back to sleep, but if I don't go to choir tonight I'll be stuck in Niagara Falls til who knows when. So, anyway...


I'm tired as all hell and I had some cereal but I don't know if I should eat something else before choir. Mrrrrrrrrrr.

My mother was like: "didn't you sleep at all?"
"Then why don't you have the energy?"

fgsduoitgy nubfdhdhgrlskeji [/more swearing]

People do NOT friggin understand! And it is very hard for me to ask for help, and to get shot down when I do makes it even harder for the next time and is positive reinforcement of my thoughts/fears. This is why I think sometimes that my mother does not care, because she only helps me when it is convenient for her. Well,I guess in a way, everyone is like that.
  • Current Mood
    annoyed annoyed

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A reply.

Maybe that's why you were afriad of me... because I could see you.

Real you, through the lies you say you live by.

Admitting to selfishness was a brave thing to do.

I don't feel quite so hurt/angry towards you anymore. I can think of you pleasantly.

I am not certain if I have completely quit pining over you and what we... experienced, but I think it is slightly easier with you being in another country, and maybe your silence is wise.

You are an excellent writer. But I think we are similar in that it is easiest to write when something hurts or it is something we are extremely passionate about. I don't have the patience and self-confidence to be a successful author, and maybe you feel that roadblock as well, but work with what you have. That's what I'm doing.

Right now, I have a purpose, be it ever a small one, but for now it is enough. But once that is past? (Looking for love in all the wrong places - should be fulfillment.)

I hope you find what you are looking for.
  • Current Music
    Day by Day - DC Talk