November 17th, 2004


(no subject)

You know what?

I think I've finally figured something out.

I have developed a terrrible avoidance of commitment, because, somehow, I have gotten the idea into my head that as soon as I commit to something, something better will come along and I won't be able to leave for the better. This is extremely painful since by doing this I deny myself even temporary happiness. And when the great...whatever it is I am waiting for... comes along, I'll more than likely end up passing it by, since I am convinced that something better will come along... *sigh*

Well, I still believe I am better off hurting myself rather than others. I've already hurt so many people in my life... If I hurt myself enough, I won't feel it when other's hurt me.
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(no subject)

Had an anxiety attack at choir tonight. Gonna ask my doc for some PRNs. My muscles are so tight! I am trying to relax, printing off copies of my book, and maybe play some spider solitaire or something to try to relax.
  • Current Mood
    stressed stressed