September 24th, 2004

flight

(no subject)

I wish I was back at the apartment so I could OD and spend hours out of it, or go to Bill's and get high for hours. I'm tempted to chain smoke since it's the only thing I can do. I'm not even supposed to drink while I'm here.
Dave took me out for lunch today and gave me $10. When I saw him he stood to hug me and I didn't even think about it and it felt good. But now I'm depressed as all fuck and I'm getting bored of reading and puzzles. I wish I could write.

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  • Current Music
    Masquerade - Reality Check
flight

Masquerade

now I'm caught in the zone my mind arrested by fear and
so i go it alone
a metamorphosis conceived by the early light
distraction of self comes out in the night
fabricated I'm constructed of opinions and lies
which only leads to failing in my own eyes
sinking to the depths while I'm masking what's inside
a bittersweet existence and I cause my own demise
and I wonder if you've ever seen life through the eyes of
one who understands what it means to be free
freedom comes when you can let it go
but I guess you wouldn't know
it's such a shame the game
you play
congratulations your invited
to the masquerade
I'd like to know what lies
behind the mask you've made
my mind reflects the meaning to things that are jumbled
resting on the first making time to rehearse
intricate persona controlled animation
visually impaired clinging to pain immersed
mentally scarred cosmetics dripping down
life in forward motion exist in reverse
instable at the seams trying to conform
trapped in a maze while sin is at its worst
and I wonder what your gonna do
when your disguise comes crashing down
and yourself comes shining through
are you gonna hide your face or let it rest in the hands
of grace
don't hide your face in the masquerade
don't play the game it's a masquerade
  • Current Mood
    I wish I had this album
flight

Michelle

Dream a little dream, dream a little while
Remembering a day when you were wide-eyed
Gave to him your heart, gave him all your soul
Slowly you have taken back control

Now you're somewhere in-between
Your new world and your old routine

Dream a little dream, dream a little while
Dream with me of how you think it might be...

Your choice is black or white, not a shade of gray
Because in love there's no such thing as halfway
Devotion can't be swayed, emotions can't be torn
He'd rather you be hot or cold than lukewarm

Pray a little prayer, Dream a little dream
Dream with me of how you think it might be (yeah)
  • Current Music
    Give It Up - Avalon
flight

How I feel

I don't believe another song could ever change the world
I don't believe that little boys grow up to be little girls
I don't believe that wishing ever really made it so
I don't believe you love me, you don't tell me anymore

I don't believe that suicide could ever open up any doors

Can't count on my lucky star if I don't know where it's at
Can't count on my fingers, I've got more sense than that
Can't count all my money - it all goes to pay the rent
Can't count on philosophers if I don't know what they meant
There's a time for counting one by one and time for counting what's been spent

Some people live their lives like their on number 9
But I'm gonna be around for a long, long time (yeah, right)

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Some people live their lives like their on number 9
But I'm gonna be around for a long, long time
I don't wanna live my life in an endless nursery rhyme
For I'm gonna be around for a long, long, time

Some people live their lives like their on number 9
But I'm gonna be around for a long, long time
  • Current Music
    Number 9 - The Waiting
flight

For My Darling Jen that I miss

Another day with you
I'm getting fitted for a millstone
It would have been better
Had I left you alone
So if Jesus finds you begging unbelief
Put the blame on me
I never failed to cry for you
I never failed to pray
I guess that fails to matter
To your blue eyes today
As they saw me stealing justice like a theif
Put the blame on me
Don't blame the truth
If you love the lie
Don't blame the deacon's gun
Don't blame a preacher, prophet, or a priest
But if it makes it easy
Put the blame on me
If I told you where to look
But failed to tell you what to find
If I led you down the road
That had a twisted center line
Or if I fed your dark sensibility
Put the blame on me
Don't blame your doubt
If you fear belief
Don't even blame your pain
Don't blame a burden only you can see
But if it makes it easy
Put the blame on me
Don't blame the truth
If you love the lie
Don't blame the deacon's gun
Don't blame a Man
Pinned naked on a tree

Who died perfectly desperate
Who loves you desperately
No, put the blame on me
Put the blame on me
Put the blame on me
  • Current Mood
    I miss you
flight

One More (for now)

tell me what you're gonna do
I know that you know that I'm on
to you
I see your game and I see
the way
with my self esteem you love
to play
when I'm feeling fine things
go alright
you're sure to be right by
my side
but when I'm down I look around
you're nowhere to be found
here they come again
will this ever end
around till I need them
my plastic friends
they melt when heat begins
they're walking mannequins
my plastic friends
I wonder if you'll ever see
exactly what you've done to me
I feel alone I've been attacked
and you put the knife into
my back
what I need is honesty
open exchange from you to me
I've come to you my
pride aside
so we can make this right
three times denied I've
relied too long on visions
capsules of elastic
mental prisons
relating to the masses
for thirty pieces
candy coated personality thin
like reece's
synthetic figments artificial
pigments
[pathetic] ingesting poisons
of facades
illusions on a mountain high
like Colorado
bravado London bridges they
be falling
value of fools gold with
kisses manifested
break, smash, shatter
counterfeit flatter
imitation of a friend 'cause
the heat makes you scatter
blending, comprehending but
still deceiving
aimless inventions creations
spiritual manipulations
I'm running out of patience
fascinated in your attempts
at being plastic
spastic, kind of drastic my
companion you are not
  • Current Music
    Plastic - Reality Check