June 26th, 2004

flight

I know I've said this before...

WHY does everyone believe that I will be alright when I know that I won't be?!

BECAUSE YOU DO NOT SEE HOW MUCH PAIN I AM IN!

I want to kill my sister's kitten. Really. She is pissing me off! She keeps clawing me for no reason and keeps eating Ashes food when I forget to put it away, even though she knows she's not supposed to. Even if I spank her 900 times she will still be bad and I want to hurt her! @#&*ing cat!

I hate myself for being fat. I hate myself for not being okay. I hate myself for all this anger I can't get rid of. I hate myself for being dependant on my mother and sister. I hate myself because no one will hire me. I hate myself because I have friends that I never can see. I hate myself for being stuck here. I hate being ALONE. I really just want to go stay with someone anyone for a few days so I don't do anything fucked up; so I can gain a bit of sanity back. But I can't ask because I'm already freeloading off my family, who else could I possible ask? It's these stupid cats! If it weren't for them I wouldn't be stuck here. If Bill and I drive Leah's car to her, I really fuckin want to make her take her cat before I hurt it! This sucks because there is no way you can see how angry and hurt I am just from this text.

I wish I had about 20 Tylenol 3s and some Percocet and a handful of anything else. OR THAT SOMEONE WOULD JUST FUCKING TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL BEFORE I DO!

I HATE having to take care of myself! No one is here to protect me from myself. Even those people that say that they care, you can't see me! You have no idea what I am going through. You are living non-chalantly in your own lives. AND I HATE THAT! I don't care if that's the world and that's the way things are. I really don't. All I care about is that I have to suffer ALONE!
  • Current Music
    Mexican Moon - Concrete Blonde
flight

From Tali

SIGHT
[what color are your eyes?]: depressed
[do you wear glasses/contacts?]: yes
[describe something beautiful to you]: right now, nothing
[someone you know who has beautiful eyes]: I dunno, the only people's eyes I can remember are brown and I don't like them. Lis has cool blue eyes.
[first physical aspect you notice on the opposite sex: be honest!]: hair
[if you could see anyone or anything right now, who/what would it be?]: My mother

SMELL
[do you like your nose?]: no, I have a pointy witch nose
[what does your hair smell like?]: crap, I need to shower
[what is your favorite scent from everyday life?]: rain
[if you use perfume/cologne, what kind?]: Calgon (or something) and The Healing Garden
[who do you know that smells the best?]: Adam smelt pretty good last time I saw him

SOUND
[what kind of music do you like to listen to?]: alternative or trance
[name a song that is special at this moment in time]: Learn To Fly - Foo Fighters
[do you sing?]: I like to
[how about play an instrument?]: no
[which spoken language sounds the best?]: each language has it's own unigue sound, but I like European ones the best
[favorite everyday life sound?]: the fan
[least favorite everyday life sound?]: the silence
[of people you know, who has the best-sounding voice?]: uhm... no idea
[favorite food?]: soup
[favorite drink?]: juice
[do you have a tongue/lip piercing?]: no
[what are your thoughts on coffee?]: it's good once in awhile
[the worst taste you have ever encountered?]: rotten watermelon
[would you eat something disgusting for money?]: probably not

TOUCH
[do you consider yourself touch-sensitive?]: meh, depends
[do you like people touching you?]: usually yes
[are you ticklish and if so, where?]: pretty much everywhere
[which are better: hugs or kisses?]: depends on with who
[who was the last person you touched?]: well...Bill when we were sitting on the couch
[who do you wish you could reach out and touch right now?]: anyone who cares
[favorite material to touch?]: cotton and my blanket (I have no idea what it is, I like the texture.)