February 5th, 2004



I can't even talk to my friends without upsetting them.
I did not tell her to get her pissed at you. What I meant was trying to ask how she was. I guess verify.
Now she thinks you're a jerk and you are upset with me. I should just stay offline forever.

I can feel the self-hatred boil through me!
  • Current Mood

Pain is an addiction.

I'm trying to read; focus on schoolwork to try to calm down.
I am addicted to pain. I have no intrinsic worth but for that which others feel about me. Paranoid. Worried that Susan will read my away message and call someone. Ate too fast, want to purge. Want to smoke. Want to cut. Accosted for who I am. This bitter poison.

I am fed up with this. I am fed up with all my friends getting fucked over and leaving me in the dust. It would be better if I just stayed there and hoped for no one to notice me.