January 28th, 2004


(no subject)

Suzanne told me to wake her up the next time I got like this. I need to, but I don't want to. She can't be my mother. She can't make my issues go away.
I feel like I am drowning. No one can help me. I'm drowning in the whirlpool, no one is strong enough to swim out in the rapids to even attempt to save me.
Suzanne, wake up.
I get frustrated with people because they cannot shirk their physical demands the way I can. I always feel that I am not important enough since they can't/won't do that for me.
Why is it always so fucking cold?
I guess the only thing I can do is cry myself to sleep.
I feel so chained to the bed. So trapped in these four walls, this cellar of a living space.
How am I ever going to pass this semester?
  • Current Music
    Coast to Coast - AM 640

I haven't been sleeping well.

Bruce Willis was in my dream. There were these incubation chamber type things and we were a group of scientists doing an experiment about bringing creatures back to life. They wanted to see the effect of the chambers on a knowingly alive body (since it was not certain if the other creatures had been actually dead). They were pressuring me to do it, then Bruce threated that if I didn't do it I could leave town and find another job.

Dream before that: was in highschool. Some wierd thing in a lake simulator happened, I didn't get in any trouble, but some bitch was trying to say it was me though. >:(
Later a teacher was trying to impress the children, saying he could immitate Michael Jackson, and they didn't know who he was. I patted his shoulder, then told the girl she had just made him feel old. :) I went down a flight of stairs, my sister had been in study hall the entire time and I hadn't known about it. It was a pretty decent room. She was complaining about her cell phone being dead and she needed it to know when the "Student Bus" was coming (which was only at 8 something-or-other pm).

Dream before that: We (my mom, father, sister, me, Jeremy) were gonna go on a camping trip. I'm not sure what the hell the delay way, but all I know is I was hungry and my father wouldn't let us eat until later (surprise surprise). Jeremy had a coupon for a good mega deal, but it had expired in December :( Anyway, I was hanging out in my livingroom, and everyone else was in the next room that was kinda like a lecture hall. Sue and I had a third roomate that we never saw. She had her own two room place, that was mostly empty, her own kitchen, and the third room near the entrance. She had a dresser, stereo, and someother things in there with a plant.
It was the next day and we still had not left for camping. Leah was in a fight with Jolene and she also didn't want our father to come on the trip, she kept asking me to ask him not to come. Jeremy said he couldn't come because he was at his grandmothers, so I was trying to block him off my IM but my computer was being gay. Ian was in my room for some reason, we were both doing homework. It was insanely warm compared to the previous day being like the contemporary weather.
  • Current Music
    The Wallflowers