September 4th, 2003


Bad cat! No eating my banana!

I just watched two very good movies, and got to shed a few tears as well. In Dreams is such a cool movie, the kind that I like, and I want to get a copy. I also watched October Sky. It was great, based on a true story. That's what opened up my waterworks, seeing someone fulfill their life goal.
I totally drained myself today, running around all over campus. At least I got everything done and all I have to worry about is physio and class tomorrow. You don't understand how much I am shaking, worse than a dry leaf in Autumn. I could barely make it down the stairs to bed tonight and had to crawl from the bathroom to my floorspace. I really over-exerted myself. But school should be okay. I know where the elevators are and I can leave stuff on campus now that I have a locker (which I am so excited about!)
I have a stomach ache and a headache which is why I am up writing this. I could barely sign my receipts and loan forms today, how I am managing to type this I do not know. Lots of concentration I guess.
I need a cane. It'd make it easier to get up the stairs when I have to, and it probably would be easier to type my notes than read my Parkinson's scrawl that used to be my handwritting but problem is even if I had a laptop it would be heavy.
I hate my spontaneous cravings.

Once again

I feel like you are fucking up my life.
Always interferring at the worst possible moments.
It's not going to be easy to remain being nice to you
when all you do is cause me anguish (mostly).
  • Current Mood

So sick

So sick
and lonely.
You're pulling everyone away from me.
I know you have no clue.
But how can I stop thinking this way?
Mental illness is not rational.
You can't bleed it out with leeches,
or induce vomiting to exorcise the demons.
It is a poison.
It isn't like cancer, you can't burn it out,
or hope it clumps in one place to dig it out.
All you can do is one of two things:
1) Let it control you
2) Drug yourself up until you don't realise it's there
and tell yourself that you're becomming "normal" again.
  • Current Music
    Intuition - Jewel