May 8th, 2003


(no subject)

But why are there passengers on the plane? Easily answered: I am in an infinite moment again. The snickering has stopped because I exist between comments. Between moments. The empty seats around me only add to the sensation of solitude. And that is the point. Anything that might exaggerate these split seconds is of immense value. Imagine the mind-numbing visions I would have floating above the dunes of the moon after I launched myself into the lighter air! With the entire earth spread out beneath me, a mote in God's eye.
I would be a star in the heanens to those below.
That glittering star, winking at me like a knowing eye. Eyes and stars and eyes

- p. 41, Clan Novel Malkavian by Stewart Wieck

I just found this passage beautiful and wanted to share it with all of you.

(no subject)

He asked me to call him in the morning. I'm feeling a mixture of excitement and worry. I'm curious as to whether he wants to tell me something or if he's just using me as a wakeup call.


I want to make this clear to everyone that any emotion portrayed in this post was a result of being unsober. I am not interested in anything more than ideas I've previously entertained regarding him. There still is no one I desire more than you, so you ain't off the hook yet. ;P You're still my fantasy and my wet dream and I want to feel you again. :)
I bet he still thinks it's a game.
  • Current Mood


x. birthday = Nov. 29, 1981
x. piercing = 1 in each ear
x. tattoos = Nope.
x. height = 160cm
x. eyes= Cool
x. shoe size = 7
x. hair color = blonde
x. length = shoulder
x. pets = putchy cat, and my bricks

x. movie you rented = I can't remember
x. movie you bought = The Bourne Identity
x. song you listened to = Not Gonna Get Us - TATU
x. song that was stuck in your head = Survivor - some chick group
x. song you've downloaded = stuff by Guardians of the Earth
x. CD you bought = TATU
x. CD you listened to = TATU
x. person you've called = Jamie B
x. person that's called you = a wrong number
x. TV show you've watched = Passions
x. person you were thinking of = J_cat

x. you have a bf or gf = Well, I have a cult of male virgins and a handful of girlfriends
x. you have a crush on someone = Yes
x. you wish you could live somewhere else = I'm looking forward to my new place
x. you think about suicide = Yeah, not about commiting it recently though
x. others find you attractive = yep. I'm surprised at how many
x. you want more piercings = no, they hurt too much
x. you want more tattoos = no
x. you drink = Yeah, but I shouldn't
x. you do drugs = well, prescription ones...
x. you like cleaning = cleaning in the sense of organising
x. you like roller coasters = yeah, dreamt about one last night
x. you write in cursive or print = whichever I feel like
x. you carry a donor card = no, MY organs!

For or Against
x. long distance relationships= meh
x. using someone = depends if they know they're being used
x. suicide = only if it's what they really want
x. killing people = probably not, but I'm sure under certain circumstances I'd consent to it
x. teenage smoking = bad!
x. doing drugs = it's okay for some people
x. premarital sex = not even our parents were virgins when they married!
x. driving drunk = bad, but not as bad as driving sleep deprived or stoned
x. gay/lesbian relationships = My girlfriend is bi
x. soap operas = I like mine, it's my anger outlet. I yell at the tv :D
x. bands = what a wierd question

Have You..
x. ever cried over a girl/boy = yes
x. ever lied to someone = everyone has lied at least once
x. ever been in a fist fight = only with my sister
x. ever been arrested = no

x. shampoo do you use = whatever is in whoever's shower I'm using
x. perfume do you use = none
x. shoes do you wear = New Adidas white ones Ovalyn gave me
x. what are you scared of = dogs, bridges, people, not having children, never falling in love again, having my soul trapped in my body when I die

x. of times I have had my heart broken? once
x. of hearts I have broken? 3 (that I know of)
x. of drugs taken illegally? yeah, but it was a waste of time
x. of different types? no
x. of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends? 3
x. of people I consider my enemies? Americans
x. of people from high school that I stayed in contact with? 5
x. of CDs? more than 300 last time I counted
x. of scars on my body? I dunno, all over
x. of things in my past that I regret? 1 that stands out
  • Current Music
    Shattered - Crazy/Beautiful Soundtrack

The wretched King Minos has decided your fate.

Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Low
Level 2 (Lustful)Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Very Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Moderate
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Moderate

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

Second Level of Hell
You have come to a place mute of all light, where the wind bellows as the sea does in a tempest. This is the realm where the lustful spend eternity. Here, sinners are blown around endlessly by the unforgiving winds of unquenchable desire as punishment for their transgressions. The infernal hurricane that never rests hurtles the spirits onward in its rapine, whirling them round, and smiting, it molests them. You have betrayed reason at the behest of your appetite for pleasure, and so here you are doomed to remain. Cleopatra and Helen of Troy are two that share in your fate.

(no subject)

Was it out of pity?
Poor guy, he built a 3 hour fantasy out of something that didn't even last 20 seconds...
Last night I had an excuse, I was drunk. Tonight was... I'm still trying to figure that out... Maybe I'm too nice and didn't want to reject him? It felt like I was just kind of letting him use me to build on his fantasies and that I wasn't really an active part of it. Like, it wasn't like I wasn't doing anything, more like I was just completely emotionally detached. It was really odd. Maybe like an anticlimax...after years and years of flirting and lusting and sexual tension for it to come to something as pathetic as this?