May 7th, 2003


(no subject)

I don't want to die, because I want to have children, but right now I don't see that. I don't see myself with anyone; I don't see myself ever falling in-love again. I'm beginning to consider that it might just be a teenage fantasy and those holding out for True Love are only chasing a dream. But then, my mother is in-love, or at least thinks and acts like she is. I could be perfectly fine, living the way we are, but that isn't for you and we would never have a family. And I don't think that even if I did have a baby, it wouldn't be yours and it won't be soon. At least 3 years from now. Something I can't even picture.

My mother feels guilty for the decisions she's made. She keeps playing "What if?" "What if I'd left when my sister told me to? What if it would have been better here for you?" I told her we wouldn't be the people we are if we'd had different lives. It's not that I don't like myself, it's just that myself doesn't fit in this world very well.

In ways, this has been both the worst and best year of my life. I went through so much crap, but made so much progress at the same time. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, because it's too balanced, there's no way to figure out whether it was a blessing or a curse.

(no subject)

Your Ultimate Purity Score Is...
CategoryYour Score Average
Explored the pleasures of the flesh
It takes a couple of drinks
Sex Drive 84.2%
The Pope is envious
Knows the other body type like a map
Gayness 94.6%
Repressed, are we?
Fucking Sick82.3%
Refreshingly normal
You are 68.54% pure
Average Score: 68.5%

All he had to do was ask

I wonder how long he's been waiting for this? *wicked grin*

I love being the center of attention. I love when they talk about me like I'm an object of desire. I love knowing everyone in the room wants me. I like not even being asked if I want a drink, just being given one. :)

His tounge felt soft, and she knew he was an amature at this. All he could taste was the alcohol still in her mouth that she had just finished before walking out of the bar.

I love when they talk to each other. "Now that was just sexy!" "What she said or what she did?" I was expecting him to say 'what I said' but instead it was the alternate answer. Cool, more sexy points for me.

Everyone wants to be beautiful; everyone wants to feel sexy.
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