April 11th, 2003


6am ramblings

There seems to be an epidemic of insomnia going around, which kinda sucks. I only slept for 2 hours yesterday morning, and then 4 this morning. :( taluagel is currently awake, as well as some non-LJ users that I know.

What does everyone think of the LJ t-shirts? I don't know about them. I kinda feel like it's a personal advertisement letting everyone know either a)you've got issues no one wants to hear about or b)you post your social life on the web. I know that it's a good idea for fund raising, I guess it's just the connotations that LJ has for me that make it seem awkward.

leella makes some good points in her latest post. I'm glad she is learning so much in her life and I agree with what she says about friendship. It inspires me that perhaps one day I will have such a clear understanding of things as well. I think I'm working at it. Sometimes I worry that I'm becomming everything I hate just to get "well". Lately I've seemed to be a bitch, but I've been reassured that it's mostly just PMS. I hate blaming things on PMS, but sometimes it is the cause...
I'm getting excited about moving in with leella and Mel. I can't wait to get to know them more and I hope that I can be a good friend to them and that my issues won't frustrate them too much. I know it can be frustrating, but you have to realise that I'm not like this deliberately. I do have issues, and I am working on them, it just helps if my friends are understanding.
determination and I had a talk and he told me how important it is to recognise when I need a time out and need to be alone, and earlier he taught me that I have to learn to depend on myself sometimes so that I don't exhaust my friends. I think I'm becomming good at that. I know there are a few times recently when I should have toughed things out on my own instead of turning to j_cat, but on the whole I think I am doing much better at handling things on my own.

I packed for 3 hours last night and am only about a third done. There's a lot of organising involved. Specifically, what do I put into storage, what do I keep with me, and what do I want to send back to NF for safe keeping. Then there is the attempt to be efficient in the packing, considering the lack of boxes.
Nearly everything of mine in that place is locked safely in the bedroom, except for the plateware, glassware, and cookingware. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with the toaster oven. I know mam wants the table and I'm giving Kalena the blender. I'm not sure whats going on with the crockpot either, but everything else is mine, so we're gonna have to have a serious dish-washing day.

I'm also excited about going to North Bay with Kalena. I've never been on a Via train, nor on a train for that long. I look forward to meeting her family and hope I don't embarrass myself with my craptacular French.

I'm glad that hokus_mouse is doing better and finding things she enjoys and doing things for herself. I'm going to miss determination in the summer, and I have something for him before he/I moves. taluagel, I wish we could be better friends. I've been thinking about you lately. Maybe it's because you give such good back massages and are easy to be comfortable around.
I'm glad to get away from Marc, but he's getting more clingy than ever. I've had to resort to being viciously blunt with him again, but there's not much else I can do when he doesn't seem to grasp that no means no. Ashutosh has kinda been coming onto me, and it's a little disturbing, but the attention is nice and not excessive. Twinky can be a pain in the ass, and isn't very understanding of other people's issues, and is incredibly vulgar, but he's usually funny and so brings the humour to the house. Living with these guys is like one of those Reality TV shows, with the arguements and jokes and people getting on each others nerves and just in general. It's pretty freaky.
  • Current Music
    I'm In A Hurry - Alabama


They are so KYOOOT!

There is a mama, a baby, and the daddy. They are so pretty and they only cost $8! They are my new friends and I am so happy I bought them. I really shouldn't buy myself presents, but once in awhile you have to spoil yourself, if only to shake off the shadow of poverty.

I am going to take a picture of them. I think Twinky has a digital camera. I'll see if I can get a pic of them on here.

Eeeeeeeee! Everyone, be happy for me!

Zero Commitment

I understand what you mean about how there never can truely be zero commitment. I mean, there is some degree of commitment, but nothing hardcore. Like, we have a few things we've agreed to, but the minute you want out, you're out. It's as simple as that. Now why would you want to ditch that for something more complicated? :P (Answer: For something more meaningful, I know.)
Honestly, I am incredibly content with the way things are. I'll admit that I'll hold onto you for as long as I can, but I won't become burdensome, obsessed, or clingy, and I will let you go when you tell me that's what you want. That's a promise you can hold me to. I just enjoy you.. You make me happy and comfort me just by being yourself. You're so fun. Even in your troubles you reassure me.
I'm not exactly sure why you think I'll find someone before you. Is it that you don't have confidence in yourself, or that you just feel that way? It might be a mixture of both. To be honest, right now I am living life in the present and not thinking much about the future.I'm also having difficulty remembering things lately. And not common forgetfulness. It'll be things that happened only a few hours ago or a few days ago. Pah, it's too complicated to explain here. the point is, maybe I just can't see it right now.
This is going to sound conceited, but I am only reiterating what people have told me recently. If/whenever my next relationship happens, I'm more than likely going to be on guard because: A) I'm beginning to believe that the majority of people find me attractive and don't want to get played/used, B) I've just had another bad experience with a male to chalk up on my list and am in no hurry to add more, C) This is what I need for awhile until it's time to deal with something less.

I think I should stop here before I start spilling out garbage. It is 6am after all, and I've only had 6 hours sleep in the past 2 days.


I'm not going to be around for a few days, so if you are trying to get in contact with me it'll have to wait until I get back or I can see if I can steal my sister's ICQ for a bit.

Just so you know that I didn't spontaneously start hating you all or vanish from existance.

Good luck with exams.


Want to post more! BLARGH!

Jimmy_cat! You are supposed to send me pix of you with your kitty! And I need a game to procrastinate with! Or spend my sleepless hours with. Spider solitaire is my bitch and I am tiring of it quickly. Tiptop is losing it's flare. NEED A FUN GAME!


Why do people assume that other people never change?! This happens to me all the time!
"You hate porn."
"You don't like large groups of people."
These are the only two examples I can think of right now, but I'm sure there's more. Blargh! Especailly when you say you can tell I'm getting better and then you wonder why I'm different/changing?
*murmle murmle murmle*
Jonathan woke up, then he heard a sound.