March 12th, 2003

flight

The Secret of Nineveh

All I can think right now is, "I wanted this baby." I try to think of other things, but it all comes back to the same thought. It would have been more devastating for you. I know in the longrun I'd experience more heartache, but it doesn't change how I feel right now.
"Go to your room, Sarah; play with your toys. Forget about the baby." Ironic, n'eh? Maybe I'm just sadistic.
Like I said before. I don't live in a real world. Now you can go on with your life exactly as you had planned, and I'll be stuck here in the whatifs, because I have no plans.
At least I feel good about myself, I feel wanted, and I can stay in school. But that doesn't make this loss hurt any less. I wouldn't have thought anything of it, but you were so concerned. So we had to discuss possibilities, and for me the pros and cons on both sides were pretty balanced. You might think I'm not thinking very lucidly at this moment, and you can disagree with me all you want
  • Current Mood
    alone
flight

I don't want to sleep

Maybe I'm trying to convince myself, that if I'm not asleep, this must be a dream.

...I see, as I dream, that it's all ripped at the seams
and I swear that it tears apart my reality


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Okay, I think I'm pretty tired now. FYI: All of this is my original work that I wrote sometime during middle school or highschool.
I think night_shade might like these.
I'll post more after I spend a few hours unconscious.
flight

I'm getting sick of this.

Like, look! I have a life, I have my own place, I got myself medicated and into therapy, but I can't even manage to stay in school??? This really bugs me.
I just feel as if something is dragging me down. Kinda like carrying that brick up from the bottom of the pool. You can see the surface, but the brick is dragging you down at the same time, and you're not sure whether to kick harder or drop the brick.
So excuse me while I go kick my own ass for a little while.