February 3rd, 2003

flight

A small miracle

I was all set to deal with the worst, to start my life over from scratch. Somehow a small miracle happened and all of a sudden everything is back to the way it was. I asked him what made him decide; he just said that he'd thought about it. (Typical not very good with words fashion.) Now I have to deal with my conflicting feelings: love or sex? Both would be nice, but not very realistic. I still can't believe I/we got off scott-free! Not very good punishment, now is that? ;9 I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to deal with that: no consequences almost equals "why not keep it up?"
It's good to feel wanted. I'm not sure why Ian wants me, and I'm pretty sure I don't have very good reasons... *sigh* He is being a bit clingy which I can't blame him for but my natural reaction to that is to totally limit physical contact when that happens. I think maybe I just need some time to think and deal with this before I can decide whether or not I can keep up with this life. I really was prepared to start completely over save for 2 or 3 people in my life... Yeah, I think I definately have a problem about there not being any consequences... for now anyway. I might change my mind. If we can keep our little game and he gives me more independance, then I think I could deal with that. :)
  • Current Music
    Miracle - Vertical Horizon
flight

In other news...

My stomach hurts like a FAT MOOSE, but that's my own fault for not yet eating today. (Worry not, I will do so shortly, probably some grapes...if I don't fall asleep first.)

I got to talk to my prof about my IQ results, so I feel pretty good about that. Also got an assignment back and some random person gave me $15. (Not really, it was from an experiment I participated in. It's just funny to have people handing me money in the middle of the street. *smiles*) So now I have enough money to pay for the ambulance bill.

*is very tired and has a midterm to cram for*
  • Current Mood
    flirty flirty