January 23rd, 2003


I care for you.

Sometimes I just want to be there for everyone all the time. I think my gift for empathy is kicking back in. It really bothers me sometimes how people have no idea how much I can feel for them. "Leave my emotions alone, I can feel them for myself." Yeah, probably it's a bit of an invasion, but then you know you're truely not alone. I just wish I could make everyone feel better when they are down. I know no one can be happy all the time, but people I care about shouldn't have to hurt. I don't know why I don't hold the same opinion for myself. Probably partly because I fear that I may be a source of that hurt. Please don't hurt because of me. I know it's difficult, it being an intrinsic part of me... this saddens me...
Any of you ever heard of astral projection? I haven't been able to get past the fear boundary, but I've gotten far enough to get inside of someone for about two and a half seconds. It's actually kind of freaky and I'm sure if they knew about it would feel invaded, but it is one of the coolest experiences ever. Better than rollercoasters. Anyone into that kind of stuff should try it.
  • Current Music
    D'You Know What I Mean? - Oasis

Lonliness comes at midnight.

I'm just gonna sit here and type for awhile. The lonliness hits hardest at night. If I can make myself believe that people actually care enough to read this, then maybe my feelings actually mean something. I know, I know, they should mean something on the sole basis that I feel them - but they don't. If no one knows or cares how I feel, how meaningful can it be? I know this sounds egocentric, but I really don't get it.
It's funny how all the songs going though my head right now involve the word breathe...something I'm not generally good at. Yes, it IS supposed to be an instinct, but my body doesn't seem to be aware of that.
Thanks for that song, Jamie. I've liked it for awhile and never had a clue who it was by or what it was called. That tends to happen to me a lot.
I probably should pull myself from this pit of quicksand called self-pity and get on with my homework. I've decided to drop 3JJ3 so that I don't fail it. I can never stay awake in that class, not cuz it's boring, but because I'm so tired all the time now.
  • Current Music
    Breathe - Newsboys