December 14th, 2002


I feel like I am going to SCREAM!

I hate how everyone seems so oblivious to what's going on inside of me. Going on with their own normal, regular lives. I just want to scream, "Don't you see what the hell I'm going through?! Can't you see that I am goddamn fucking DYING inside? If you supposedly care about me, why can't you see this?!" But everyone is egocentral, just as this rant is. Yeah, even the "normal" people have hurt inside, but I just don't get it. That's the way it has always been in my head: why can't anyone see that I am dying? is it because they don't care, are oblivious, or for some other reason? It can't be because I don't tell them. I have told so many people about this poisonous disease I feel inside. I now have a list of doctors to prove it. Often, people get upset at me for telling them too much, too fast or more than they wanted to know. So that can't be it! What the hell is it then??????!
Someone PLEASE tell me before I die of lonliness.
  • Current Music
    Dawn Forever - Guardians of the Earth

What I learned from watching Titanic.

I need to learn how to feel safe and secure on my own.

How I am going to do this is a completely different matter.

I also realised why I feel some of the things I do. It is because there is a void in my needs of what it would take to stay in this place, to survive here. It is possible that this is the reason I am now on this path. Yeah, I think the field was like a place of revelation or something. A safe place where I could just come to terms with things, but now I must travel. Yay voyage.