Peripheral (nineveh_rains) wrote,

A note to myself

You have to do it. Just for once be strong. Don't think about her but don't drown yourself either.
what is the point? what is the point? it doesn't matter. it will only give them another day to tell themselves, 'see? she'll be fine'.
What does it matter? Well, perhaps someone will understand how difficult this is for me and appreciate how much effort it took to restrain myself. Obviously she doesn't care what the hell happens to me. As long as she's got people around her she's fine.
Sometimes I do just want to kill myself to make everyone feel guilty for not fucking believing me! How would you like to come "home" to my corpse? Maybe then you wouldn't think I'm such a bitch!
This is stupid and I'm tired, but it doesn't mean I don't want to do it.

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