Peripheral (nineveh_rains) wrote,
Peripheral
nineveh_rains

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Losing all meaning

What do I do now that I've lost everything I was holding onto? You are taken, and you feel guilty. The closest thing to happiness I can hope for is a life of meaningless sex and something to keep my mind off my misery inbetween. Dead in a ditch as a doornail. I'll be lucky if someone does me the favour of murdering me. It'd feel good to be beaten to death. For once someone else punishing me instead of me having to do it to myself. I do not think that once I crawl into bed I will be getting out for a long while. Please please please don't let me rot. But of course you will just think that this is my usual shit and go on with your day. I am so upset right now I could throwup.

Sometimes I wish I lived on the street. I still remember the last time I was in Toronto and someone I was with gave money to a woman sitting on a street corner. The thought that I could be that ran through me. Made me feel like I was fighting destiny or something. Will I be swimming against the current my entire life? I have to for as long as I care to survive.
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