Peripheral (nineveh_rains) wrote,
Peripheral
nineveh_rains

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None of this is true.

One day I'll get over you and I'll forgive you for all of this; for being in the middle. I will stop letting you affect my self-worth, and I will be myself as a whole person. "Part of you has to die to love someone." Well one day I will have the courage to amputate my dead limbs. I can never have what I want. All of it is off limits.
Way to slam the door on me. It's hard enough to get you to open up in the first place. This is not fair.
I guess we all get taken forgranted.

This loneliness haunts me
Is it inside or out
I do not want you
To see how you have torn me apart
Inside.
Just by living
By punishing me appropriately
Still I die for it
I perish for my sins
That you claim have been forgiven.
I want to hate you
And I want to scream
But I want to love you
And be quiet again.
I hate you for thinking
I'm just a crack in the mortar
I hate you for thinking
You can use me in your mind
Yet never touch me
I hate all of you for knowing Love

Well, apparently my father knows I blame him for a lot of things. It doesn't seem to phase him.
I hate all of you for having a life that you are a part of. I hate you for not letting me fit into it. I hate you for allowing me to be the dust that gets swept under the rug when you have time to notice me. I hate you for making things difficult for me. I hate you for taking the give out of "give and take" I hate you because you don't feel like this. I hate you because I am sick and you don't give a fuck because I should be able to take care of myself or someone should be around to do it, just not you. Never you and your happy dustfree life .

Oh well. The good news is I can get fucked up without the overwhelming urge to make this pain physical. It's still there, but I can supress it.
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