Peripheral (nineveh_rains) wrote,

  • Mood:

So alone

The people I want in my life have their own to attend to. I'm afraid, and I'm worried.
Afraid that you will see me as that pesky little girl who keeps wanting your attention; worried that you will avoid me because of it. Afraid that I do not play as large a part in your life that you do in mine; worried that I'll seem needy.
Why am I feeling this overabundance of emotion? You're right, I'm self-absorbed. I think depression does that to people. Right now I wish I could beat myself; beat some sense into myself; beat myself senseless. I want my body to reflect my soul; broken and bruised. I want a fucking cigarette. I want to burn, I want to bleed. I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to hate you but for you to love me. I want to be a bitch but still the one everyone looks to for help. "She's a nice girl. She just has to figure out what she wants." I don't know what I want.

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