Peripheral (nineveh_rains) wrote,

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I don't know what to do.

I did only what I knew how, until finally I said, "You know how to deal with this more than I do. I only know what it's like to go through it." I have no idea what he was doing before I got there but when I heard you cry I knew I had to be there.
I felt bad for leaving, but it sounded like more progress was made with me out of the picture. I think the problem was both of us, but I can only guess. I know how you feel about him, I don't think he quite does. I was so worried and I was scared for you because I know how bad it feels and how you just want it to stop. I watched you scratch at your wrists. I wanted to tell you I knew what you were doing.
Instead, I went and took care of the babies. I felt that it was what I should do.
I just feel so helpless at times like this because I really don't know what to do other than listen and be a shoulder to cry on and someone to hold you.
I should have noticed when you were staring at the wall; I somewhat noticed when it was indescernable as to whether you were laughing or crying.
I thought he would have told you. Perhaps it didn't come up, or perhaps he didn't want to tell you in person, but I think you ought to know. I think it might help you. I almost told him to just tell you right then because it was the only thing I could think of that could have possibly helped, seeing as how I did not know the cause of onset.

You know I love you girl. I think there's a reason we ended up living together.

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