How I am going to do this is a completely different matter.
I also realised why I feel some of the things I do. It is because there is a void in my needs of what it would take to stay in this place, to survive here. It is possible that this is the reason I am now on this path. Yeah, I think the field was like a place of revelation or something. A safe place where I could just come to terms with things, but now I must travel. Yay voyage.