I had to look after myself my whole fucking childhood. I had to play mother to my father and sister. I had to be the responsible. I don not want to do it anymore! I don't fucking care how irresponsible or pitiful I am being about this. I don't care! That's the whole point! I am tired of having to look after myself. Maybe that's why I want to be in the hospital. then I'm not responsible. Crazy people can get away with anything.